Earthly Observations
	'A Tongue In Cheek Humor Column For Parents of ADD and/or LD Children' By Roberta Mann, Pseudoanalyst Extraordinaire Today's Topic: Forgetting Things

       Remember the good old days, when people went around with strings tied to their fingers in order to remember things of importance? Well, neither do I, but I do recall seeing this method used again and again in plenty of old black and white movies and TV shows. Only there was a problem with it. Seems that, invariably, the person wearing the string would forget what the string was there for in the first place, making the entire ritual useless, and ending in peals of laughter from the delighted live audience/canned laughter. It is undoubtedly for that reason that this strategy for remembering has gone out of vogue. Gone are the shackles of oppression that waved on our fingers as banners of our ADD/LD short-term memory deficits! With mercy and understanding, and not without profit in mind, the 3M company has blessed us all with Post It Notes, and given us all the potential, at least partially, to live more normal, productive lives! I KNEW I should have invested sooner! That aside, all we have to do now is remember what to write on them and where to stick them!

       Notes work well. I have a pad of paper and a pen in every room of my house, a calendar with HUGE blocks for every day, and sticky notes in strategic places, such as right by the phone and next to the computer...but they keep disappearing! I suspect that there are elves involved. There are times, I admit, when a paper trail of memory joggers is not convenient...in the shower is one of those spots where it's not easy to write a note to buy more shampoo or soap. I use a visual for that. I put the empty shampoo bottle or soap dish on the outside edge of the tub. Usually within 15 minutes after getting out of the shower, I ask myself, "What the HELL is THAT doing there!?!?" I pick up the bottle or dish, discover it's empty, and THEN I write it on the grocery list. The calendar works out well, with my should-be patented system of priority color coding. Red is most important, green is definitely not to be ignored, and black is not that much of an emergency if you don't notice it. The colors catch my eye and I am drawn to see what the day holds for me, like a fly to honey, like bees to a colorful flower, like a dog to a fire hydrant! I am usually disappointed to find that it's a dental appointment.

       What if notes aren't your thing? What if you, like my husband, are too 'macho' to accept that you need a note to remind you of anything? Well, then I suggest you LEARN to like them. There is no man on Earth that looks forward to a confrontation like the following:
       My 'quiet' ADD/LD husband volunteered, with coaxing, to go to the store and pick up a single item for me. I told him specifically what I wanted, what brand, what size...don't let your imagination get ahead of you...I'm talking about bottled water! I asked him if he wanted me to write it down for him, but he balked at the very idea. "Are you suuuuuure?" I asked again. No, he did NOT want me to write it down. He WOULD remember! He returned 30 minutes later with the wrong size. I asked him what he thought he was doing. He said that they don't have that size at that store. I said that they DO...did you ASK? No, he did NOT ask! Asking, I suppose, is worse than bringing a note! Out he went again, in quest of this one item. He returned this time 45 minutes later. Right size, wrong brand. I have been to both of these stores time and time again. Unless there is a state of emergency declared due to nuclear holocaust, all he had to do in either store was look to the left of where he was, or ASK. If he brought the note with him, all he would have had to do is point to it and grunt...any number of strangers would have no doubt taken pity on him and supplied him with my requested item. At least that would have taken part of the pressure of socializing off of him. When he got home the second time with the long awaited item, wrong again, it was NOT a pretty sight! He ended up spending his evening with Post It Notes stuck to his behind with what I REALLY wanted written on all of them! I took great pleasure in watching him peel them off, only to find them multiplying like rabbits in the springtime. I can be very clever when I want to be, and sneaky, too. And in case you're thinking that I must have a problem because it's ONLY water...there really IS a difference...to ME!

       In the case of my father, we have a man who refuses to believe that he has a memory problem at all. He got panicked and confused once in a grocery store parking lot, sure that the car had been stolen, because he decided that his rental car was a different color and model than it actually was. How conveniently this nightmare could have been avoided, if he would have just written down the model, color, and license plate on the back of a business card and stuck it in his pocket. Of course, then he would have had to remember that he did that and take it out and look at it!

       I'm not poking fun at my dad's memory deficit as a part of old age. He ALWAYS had 'quiet' ADD. As the youngest of five children with three older sisters, I had the pleasure of being called a combination of every female name in the family book. I was looked at dead in the eye and called 'MarKarLoRoberta.' This was done in perfect chronological order, from eldest to youngest. My mother now occasionally calls me a sister's name now, but that's just good old fashioned time's fault. Dad did it in his 30's. While I thank the Lord that I didn't go berserk from having four different names and develop dual personalities, only a SLIGHT schizophrenic break from time to time. I think that there was most certainly a way that he, and you too, can prevent any confusion in your home of this nature, AND keep your children secure in their individuality. For in house use only, for God's sake, make them NAME TAGS! Or you can do what I do...call all of their friends 'Hon' (short for "Honey'), and call all of your own 'Cookie!' In case of a fight, they are ALL called 'YOU!' As in, "YOU listen to ME! YOU come here! Do YOU understand me?" Don't worry...they'll know you mean them!

       If your memory is even worse than these examples, I only have one suggestion for you: Get a Dictaphone and NEVER turn it off. Oh! And one more: Make YOURSELF a name tag. You'll look important to the knowledgeable; as if you've just come from an important meeting, depending upon the clothes you wear; like a wealthy, eccentric genius, and as though you've lost your mind to those who were previously friendly acquaintances. And everybody knows that two out of three ain't bad!

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