Earthly Observations
	'A Tongue In Cheek Humor Column For Parents of ADD and/or LD Children' By Roberta Mann, Pseudoanalyst Extraordinaire Today's Topic: Self Pity and Television

       There are times that we ALL feel bad about ourselves. Some days are just plain awful, and we occasionally find ourselves saying, "Why me?" or, "Why my child?" That's a tough question to answer. I wouldn't say that indulging in a little self pity from time to time is a BAD thing...if it were, then Ben and Jerry would have gone bankrupt a loooooong time ago! There's something about ice cream, especially, it seems, chocolate ice cream with brownie chunks in it, that just makes the whole world seem to be a better place to live in. The problem arises when you find yourself indulging just a little TOO often...or eating that ice cream at 3:00 A.M., while sitting in your bedroom closet, with a flashlight, and fighting the cat for that tiny drip that's running down the side of the container!

       If the above is a mirror image of you on any regular basis, this column may not be enough to help! However, if, like most of us, the feeling that sends you to the 7-11 between the hours of 11-7 is rare, then I know exactly what to do. Television. The answer to feeling self pity is in that little dark box that has an honored place in almost every living room in America. I've watched enough to know from whence I speak, but let me give you a few examples.

       I think by now everyone has been exposed to the old adage that goes something like this, "I bemoaned myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet." That's pretty heavy, isn't it!?!? Is that supposed to 'snap' a person out of self pity, and how? By making them say, "YIKES!" and feel guilty for feeling badly? That never worked on me...it only made me feel like the person who said it could probably use a little help of some sort, too! Dwells a bit too much on the dark side for my tastes. Ahhh, but good old TV!

       Sitting in my living room in the evening, prime time, flipping through the channels in an empty-headed hypnotic daze, eyes glazed over from a day that could have gone a LOT better, I have gleaned words of wisdom that I shall never forget, and I feel free to pass these on to my friends in need when the time is right. Good old Annette from the Mickey Mouse Club and Beach Blanket Bingo had a TV movie special that put it well. The saying that I got from that one was, "Pain is a part of life, misery is a choice." Some writer spit that out under an infinite amount of pressure, trying to hit a deadline, no doubt, and was told that he had no choice but to be profound. I think he was! I'd love to see the ones that didn't make it! Anyway, thanks to Annette, and my great memory (there goes that horn of mine, honking again!), a great deal of people who never even knew about that movie special walk away from me thinking, "Wow...she's RIGHT! And SO profound!" Wish I could thank that writer! What this does for me is to remind me that I've been through many painful times myself, much worse than this one, and have not let them make me feel THIS bad! I can then come to the realization that I feel SO bad because I WANT to feel this bad...I'm letting myself be miserable...it's just a LITTLE pain! So I am then free to choose to do something about my pain, and free myself of misery. And I'm out of ice cream, anyway, so I might as well get back to the business of coping.

       Another all-time favorite of mine I picked up from watching ER. A doctor's mother is dying. She draws him near and gives her this fabulous wisdom-filled line to ponder, "Your gift is God's gift to you, what you do with it is your gift back to God." Wow...kinda makes you feel guilty for not being a little more outgoing, doesn't it? But it does make you look at yourself or your child and see that you DO have gifts. It guides you to whatever those gifts may be, and so emphasizing those, diminishes you or your child's shortcomings and sets you back on track, to concentrate on using those gifts for the betterment of yourself, your child, and others, instead of feeling so awful and helpless about yourself and your situation. You have gifts...search for them, you shouldn't have to look too far. Find your or your child's gift...everyone has at least one! And focus on it. Maybe have a hot fudge sundae while you go over your best assets...

       Oh, there are other positive TV messages I could share...I mean, who could be depressed, upset, or wallow in self pity while trying to whistle the theme from 'The Andy Griffith Show,' or showing off their Colonel Klink impression from years of watching 'Hogan's Heroes' reruns? ...SCHUUUUUULTZ!

       Nike's 'Just Do It' does nothing for me, although it's VERY hard to not feel better about yourself if you have the Cartoon Network. There's nothing like Bug's Bunny, Snaggle Puss, The Jetson's, and The Flintstones to at least bring you back to a time in your life when things weren't all so complicated. Just repeat this mantra, "My name is Ewmer J. Fudd, I own a mansion and a yacht." The 'w' in Elmer is not a typo. You must say it like that in order for it to be therapeutic!

       So the next time you find yourself feeling miserable, asking that nasty, "Why me?" question, about to wallow in self pity, get thee to a 7-11! Buy sugar cones, sprinkles or jimmies (depending on where you come from!), and some of your favorite flavor of ice cream! Buy toppings if you must! Express yourself artistically with the stuff! Then settle down in your favorite spot and push that 'on' button on the remote. Allow television's words of wisdom and creative animation to set you free. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you, only buy a pint...you don't want to step on that scale in the morning and start the self pity roller coaster rolling all over again! WILLLLLLLL-MAAAAAAAAA!

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